Is It Spring Or What?

Well today is June 1st, and what a beautiful morning! I'm here in Stanford, Kentucky , at least 500 miles from the nearest salt water,and not a mermaid in sight! I have tried repeatedly without success to have a mermaid get in touch with me and I'm about to give up. I don't know if they could survive in Lake Cumberland or Herrington, and I don't know much about their social mores. Can they only survive in salt water , or could they live in a swimming pool? What would a mermaid eat? Do you think maybe she would have an appetite for Uncle Bob's pizza ? Or maybe I could take her to Harry's Bar in Lexington, where she could have sushi, or would that be cannibalism? Either way my patience is headed south with this mermaid fixation. I knew we were in the throes of spring yesterday when I was sitting on my little porch watching the traffic on Hustonville Road flash by, and I noticed a large number of motorcycles going by. There were all forms and varieties gliding by with all types of riders. I could tell the Harleys by their distinctive growls , and the Japanese models by their smooth whineing. Like the bikes, the riders were just as distinctive. There were older men with grey pony tails flying in the wind ,and there were yuppies with polo shirts and turned up collars. Most weren't wearing helmets or protective leather. Sliding down the road on one's ass at 50 mph can make a believer out of the most die hard cycle rider. The Ky General Assembly no longer requires riders to wear head gear if they show proof of insurance, just another reminder of the idiots we send to Frankfort. Spring also is the wonderful time of the year when we have weekly body counts of killed ATV riders and accidental falling deaths from campers in Red River Gourge. I honestly think we have more people killed on ATVs than in Iraq and Afghanistan. If you are a parent, by all means show your love to your children and turn them loose on a four wheeler. I feel it's no more dangerous letting them play with loaded guns. But what would I know? I still believe in mermaids. Back to the motorcycle riders, nearly everyone had a female companion riding on back , and most were chubby to fat. There's no other way to say it. What is it with large women and motorcycles?? I just don't see many young , good looking chicks on cycles around here. Look at pictures from Sturgis , or even Little Sturgis here in Kentucky. All men have a deep urge to buy a Harley and hit the freedom of the open road. I think they have listened to Bob Seeger too often, and by the time they have saved enough money to buy the HD their wives have gotten old and out of shape. I can't explain the nasty grey pony tail thing. These guys also have a propensity to wear their caps backwards , like Dale Junior. If you're over 35 don't do the backwards cap thing guys. Trust me , it looks stupid to everyone else. I have aso noticed that these guys stop at red lights, smoke cigarettes ,and talk on cell phones. The Gold Wing couples are wired with intercoms and radios that link them to each other and the world. What can you say about Gold Wing people?? Well they all have cute stuffed animals bungee corded to the back of their bikes. I also don't understand that. It must be like Harley's adage, "If you have to ask ,then you wouldn't understand the answer."So cigarettes in Kentucky are selling for nearly $5 a pack down town at BP. That's for Marlboro. I guess the General Assembly's new 70 cent tax is going to help clean up sinful living and make us healthy. OK I'm going to see if I can find a mermaid via Craig's List. This my last effort on that pilgrimage. You chubby girls on back of the cycles also need to wear more clothing. I'm not at all against revealing female bodies, it's just when they are past their prime that I cringe. Happy Birthday Kentucky!! June 1, 1792.