Tijuana, Kentucky

On June 14th I was on Highway 27 headed towards Somerset when I entered a highway workzone, being forewarned by the large orange signs. Now there are several workzones currently on this road as it is being widened to four lanes starting from Somerset headed North towards Camp Nelson and the Kentucky River. This work area turned out to be mowing the right-of-ways for the first time this year, and it certainly was not a moment too soon! The contract mowers were bush-hogging rampant weeds and grass nearly five feet high. The verge had taken a tropical look from warm temperatures and abundant rainfall. I must explain that before the weeds are cut in a frenzied vortex, the trash and garbage must first be picked up and bagged to be taken to the dump. This is where our Mexican neighbors come in! There was a virtual army of Mexicans swarming both sides of the busy highway, picking up tons of cast-off garbage flung on the pretty Kentucky countryside by fast moving cars of fat-assed trashy white people. It really annoys me that as United States our own slovenly habits and environmental apathy would allow such trashing of our roadsides. Nevermind that the cause dujour is belittling the Mexicans for coming to our country and working. There was not a Caucasian or an African- American picking up our trash, it was all Mexican labor; probably not a legitimate green card amongst all of them.My point is this: our own sorry and lazy lifestyles has made it necessary for foreigners to come here and pick up after our trips to McDonalds , Sonic , or Wendy's. Why can't these people wait until they get home to dispose of their trash like anyone with a conscience? These true-blue Americans complaining about Mexican labor have obviously never thought of who will pick up trash, clean the motel rooms, cut your grass, build your houses, or wash your cars if we deport all illegals. Statistics show that upwards of 14 million Mexicans are in our country illegally, and yet everytime I see Mexicans they are very hard at work , doing menial chores that even our Caucasian and African -American brothers and sisters on welfare won't consider doing. Show me local wefare Americans and I will paint you a picture of lazy, complaining trash ,talking on cell phones as they ride between free medical care and bingo.You never see an idle Mexican as they work hard to earn their money. The Mexicans picking up trash on Hwy 27 were all of uniform size and coloration, as most were around maybe five and one-half feet tall with shiny black hair, swarthy skin, and slim build. Most of these gentlemen could be traced back genetically to Aztecs or Toltecs, and share the DNA of the Army of Santa Anna as he tried to run Sam Houston and the Texas settlers back to Tennessee and the East. The big difference then and now is that most American citizens worked hard and had a sense of unity and community pride. Our county, Lincoln , was one of the three original counties in the territory created by Virginia. Today we have a little over 20000 citizens and it galls me that we trash our beautiful countrysides up. If there is any redemption , it is that neighboring Rockcastle County is trashier than us!! The whole state of Kentucky has no reason to brag about cleanliness, as every fall every piece of trash washes down the rivers of Eastern Kentucky and fouls up the Cumberland , the Forks of the Kentucky, Green River, and eventually the Cumberland Lake region. Al Gore should forget Global Warming and recognize we are all drowning in trash deposited everywhere by our trash.We as Americans are as always our own worst enemies. Everytime I cut my lawn I have to pick up someone's flung out half-eaten fast food and beer cans. They feel that somehow the United States Constitution gives them the right to trash our country-side. Needless to say if I catch some of these litterers that I will try to persuade them it is not healthy to trash up the hood. That is highly unlikely as in 33 years I have never seen the culprits. They , like all varmits ,do their mischief in the cover of darkness. The Mexicans however must pick up during the working hours of daylight. As an afterthought I was in Livingston , Tennessee today and read their proud proclamation that this was the home os NASA astronaut Mike McCauley, one -time pilot of Atlantis , which is indeed something to be proud of!! Livingston seems to be a gracious little place , and seems enough like Stanford to make me feel at ease. Professionally it has been good to our company, and I always look forward to a visit, unlike some other areas I have worked in before. You cannot send 14 million Mexicans southward and not be in chaos. It seems politicians strive to correct things overnight that have been building up since the Alamo. It just doesn't happen that way!I guess I going to have to acquire a taste for Latin Cuisine with a leaning towards Mexican. I wonder how a baloney sandwich would taste with a touch of mole, or maybe a slathering of refried beans ? How about pollo asada instead of chicken planks? I'm only grateful that some things like Coca-Cola are internationally known.We still do a lot of things right in the USA, regardless of my bitching. We make wonderful , accurate bombs that kill ruthless terrorists. Ask around in Iraq for verification. Someday Bin Laden is going to stick his cowardly Arabic head out of his rat hole, and some American kid is going to use a joystick to guide an American Smart bomb right up his worthless ass!! That day is coming- I promise. Long live the USA, but keep our counryside clean!! And thanks Amigos from this Kentuckian for cleaning up our mess.

Heavy Fuel

I was in LaFollette and Oneida , Tennessee today, and had taken US 27 down to Oneida on the first leg of the trip from Stanford. As is inevitable, gas prices jumped nearly 40 cents a gallon over the past weekend( is there not a symbol for cents??), and I cannot find a rational reason for the sudden jump. Now nearly every little town has several gas stations and the competition is so great that they all have the same prices. If BP is selling at $2.69, then you can bet your sweet ethenol ass that Citgo and Shell have the exact signs up as well. The only variance will be from town to town or state to state. If you have enough in your tank to gamble, there may be a couple of dollars difference from one little sleepy village to the next. Sometimes I'm putting in $100 each day for two cars , and obviously the economics of price comparison is there . I personally think some little pencil headed geek on the Futures Market is manipulating the markets , and using Iran's Nuclear Crises as a starting point. Today I heard the Hurricane forecast had precipitated a price hike. Give me a break!These geeks may cause gas or pork bellies to rise if they have a pimple on their ass! We need to resolve Iran's nuclear program with one Tomahawk. Does no one remember the 400 + day captivity during Jimmy Carter's fifteen minutes of fame?It seems we have to take crap from every third world despot ! Maybe the only thing they fear are the Israelis, and with good reason. Sooner or later Israel will do our dirty work and Poof!! No more Iranean nuclear program. This has come a long way from Oneida and I fear I have become easily distracted in my declining years. As I was leaving Oneida I stopped at a Subway for a fast sandwich before heading across the mountain to LaFollette. I have started noticing a disturbing pattern as I have become a Subway customer. The restaurant is a magnet for fat people! It's pretty evident when the young girl in front of you blocks out the whole sales area as she orders her sandwich. Now this early twentyish behemoth is very serious about her sandwich, as she requests the 6 inch bread with some kind of oriental chicken heated for 10 seconds, then some exotic cheese( a little more than that please), which is also heated just so-so, then some honey mustard lavishly plied on(a little more on the end please), and then some peppers ,and would you put some meatballs on that?? This sandwich would have made Dagwood Bumstead proud, remember Blondie? I always had a crush on Blondie's legs. Anyhow by the time this weight impaired babe is ready to pay for the sandwich she has gotten flushed and short of breath at the prospect of making culinary love to this creation. I think she approaches orgasm as she nears the booth just in anticipation of her impending date with a 6 incher. Too bad that skinny assed , 0ne-time fatassed Jared isn't here for the afterglow. I just order a plain turkey on a bun and vacate the institution of orgiastic eating. I remembered a parallel when as a child we slopped the hogs in the pen at the end of the meals.. I think in hindsight the old sow hogs were more appealing. As I enter LaFollette 45 minutes later I stop at Mcdonalds and order a Coke, whereas I notice the blonde waiting on me has"White Pride" tattooed on her neck above the collar of her striped McDonald's shirt. I think she missed the part about appropriate attire when she was taking business classes in high school. I wonder what African- Americans think as they order a Sausage McMuffin?You don't see many skin heads working in McDonalds. Do you think she smiles at children when she hands out Happy Meals? I wonder what kind of toys she puts in with the fries and cheeseburger? Maybe a cute little swastika? Or maybe a miniature version of a Rub-off tattoo for the children to show their own "White Pride". Do you think that Creepy Ronald McDonald goes out and fires machine guns all weekends? I'll never turn my back on Ronald again!Again I digress. As I completed my meeting with the bankers in LaFollette and headed toward the interstate I happened to notice a cherry red, brand new H2 Hummer cruising the main drag , along with an equally new and red 911 with a whale tail. Both looked as out of place in LaFollette as they would have in Stanford. Either Doctor's wives or drug dealers. Normal people drive Expeditions and Tahoes. It would have taken Ford's new F650 for the Subway Babe. As I hit I-75 it becomes obvious that today belongs to the semi. Semis are bumper to bumper the entire 27 miles to the Kentucky line and then the 61 miles to the Mount Vernon exit. Today I was trying to determine who would be my travelling companion , either Curtiss Mayfield or Mark Knopfler. Mark seemed appropriate and it was Dire Straits all the way. A little shiny blue Pontiac with Michigan tags slippede around me at 85 and the party started! Knopfler started singing "Heavy Fuel" and the world came into focus. Suicide notes on $100 bills indeed! The Silverado was purring at 2500 rpms on level ground in the first "D" of the transmission,and that's always good for 85 mph. That's also good for about two and one half songs between exits. I came to realize that the air leakage in the tilt out windows of the extended cab becomes a lot worse as "Money for nothing" reaches the decibel level of a jet takeoff. Money for nothing and your chicks for free! Most men my age are listening to Rush Limbaugh or talk radio.But most men my age are grown up and occasionally wear neckties. All too soon Mt. Vernon approaches and the Silverado pops and shudders as it re-enters the atmosphere. I'm headed for Faluzia and the Hood. I see Sandy and her lips are moving as she greets me. My first words are"What?" as I realize that the tilt out window isn't the only thing damaged by Dire Straits and that twangy guitar of Knopfler's. I'm thinking that like Lucas Davenport , I am going to compile my own 100 greatest songs of rock and roll. Telegraph Road and Heavy Fuel are contenders. Sex and rock and roll as long as I'm able.