Elves

On Friday I was cruising up HWY 58 in Virginia on my way to a jobsite in Pennington Gap. As I neared Rose Hill I decided to stop at this little Amish Bakery store to buy Sandy Kay some bread. Sandy would rather have fresh baked bread than roses anyday, and who am I to argue? Have you checked the price of a dozen roses lately? As I entered the tiny sales room I noticed this little, miniature Amish girl looking up at me, nibbling on some sort of chip. I would guess she was about two years old, and dressed in a little blue Amish dress with white athletic shoes, or how athletic can a baby just walking be?I asked her what was her name and she just looked at me . About that time her older brother of about 6 or 7 years old walked to her side. He was wearing a pale blue shirt , buttoned at the neck with suspenders holding up his blue jeans. I asked him what his little sister's name was and he said"Veronica". That bewildered me as I didn't think this sounded very Amish, and I asked him what his name was. "Duane", he replied. Duane?? Now I was confused. Is Duane an Amish name or is there such a thing as Amish names? I'm certainly not a sociological theologist, and know little about Amish except they bake good bread and drive their buggys too slow in traffic. I was thinking about this as I chose sourdough, honey oat , and jalapena cheese bread. As I headed to pay at the counter I noticed another little lad had appeared and was also looking up at me over his blue shirt and suspenders. Obligingly I asked him ,"What's your name?" "Caleb". Now we're getting someplace!!I told him," That's a good name", and he just nodded his little head. The clerk whom I took to be their mother was devoid of makeup, and was early thirtish, wearing the funky little white cap and somber black and blue clothing. Don't ask me why but I asked her if the three little ones were the Keebler Elves, and she didn't have any concept of what I was asking. I suddenly thought: No TV, No Keebler commercials. Anyone who could bake like this clan certainly didn't use their Amish Bank Debit cards on store- bought cookies.She handed me the change from my twenty , and I realized she knew a lot about Dead Presidents and business. As I was exiting and holding the door for this fat assed young woman, I thought about telling her she needed Jenny Craig more than Amish baked goods, but I'm not exactly a slender waif myself. As I got into the wrecked automobile I thought how interesting it would be to take the whole little Amish family down HWY 58 at 80 MPH , playing Carlos Santana at deafening volume. What would they think? We could have an exchange program where I could ride a few miles in the back seat of one of their horse drawn buggys. I don't know what we'd talk about, but it certainly wouldn't be about Keebler elves. Come to think of it that little mother would probably turn a few eyes with some make up, some high heeled Jimmy Choos, and a DKNY little black dress. I wonder if they have child restraint seats for little Veronica in that buggy?? I kinda look like an aging Amish elder myself . Maybe the three kids thought I belonged to the clan. I think the black Ralph Lauren shirt threw them off a little, or it could have been the lack of suspenders. These folks are pretty uptight with outsiders so maybe I'll lay off Santana and play them a little Gnarls Barkley for them.I really can't mess with them too much because my happiness at home involves their baked goods.Like I said , roses cost too much and I'm always in significant problems at the little slum house.Man I feel old today.