Technology

Today is Sunday the 5th of August and the whole United States is in a major heat wave.We went to an open house in Russell Springs for a branch bank dedication. Now we have been building and installing this facility since early spring, and who would have thought that the open house would have shown 98 degrees on the thermometers? I know it was 98 because Sandy's car's info panel said it was that hot and showed us heading North. Who would have ever thought our cars would become so smart? I remember when you ordered an AM radio or not. If I want we can subscribe to Onstar and it will notify the authorities if your air bags deploy, or it will unlock your doors if someone leaves the keys in the ignition. In like manner it will track your car if someone steals the thing. I have resisted the $300 or so yearly fee because noone steals 4 year old Impalas, and I'm afraid the little woman might call Sandy and tell her some of the places I have been taking the car. As I thought about this technology it became obvious of how our cars talk to us telling when we need oil changes, or that we need to "service engine soon". Our cars tell us when our washer fluids are low, or even when a tire is lower than the other three. I suddenly thought how wonderful if our bodies could evolve and we would have little message centers in our bellies that would diagnose problems , or tell us we needed maintenance.This little screen could be where our belly buttons are; some women pierce them anyway for decoration. In my own system the screen would keep a running total of my blood pressure and maybe my body temperature. Like a car , it could flash a code of flashing lights that would display what the problem is. The cheaper models like I would buy, would , like most cars have a port that your doctor would insert a reader to tell what the problem was. Mr. Goodwrench has been doing this to your car for years.In my case there would be a flashing yellow screen saying"SEE PHYSICIAN SOON". It probably would tell him it was time for blood work or butt work. If you didn't check on the problem in a timely manner a warning bell would come wringing from somewhere in your body cavity.It wouldn't(or maybe won't )be long until Apple came up with an I-pod telephone system that would allow you to pull your little finger on your right hand and make or take calls, probably through a dorky little integrated blue tooth. I'm still working on instant messaging. Do these dumb-asses know how dorky they look walking down the street , ear-piece ablaze? I often travel with my cell in my front pocket and often have near death experiences as I'm momentarily startled by the loud wringing in my tight pockets, buckled in at 10 miles above the speed limit. I've grown to detest cell phones and what they have taken from humanity. I despise the cute songs and messages people personalize their phones with.What is wrong with a ring? Mine rings but it's so loud because I can't hear.Everyone has their phones out taking pictures, making movies ,or reading e-mail and instant messaging. Hell I have trouble just getting mine out of my pocket.I remember when I would travel for miles looking for a phone booth, remember those.? They either were always torn up or there was no book, or I didn't have the change. All this instant communication has its downside, you cannot get away from people. There are honestly days that I want to stop the truck and place my phone under the 16 inch front tire and slowly run over the thing. I think the chrunching sound would be most gratifying, especially if I did it with certain people talking on the other end. Do you think this would give them a headache?I guess I'm going to sketch out my bionic message center idea and apply for a patent. The Borgs had all this on Star Trek and it seemed to work well. You'd have to be a Trekkie to understand.I'm a little worried that Sandy would read my message center while I'm lying paralyzed in my easy chair after work. The thing would probably have a playback mode of the whole day. Maybe this isn't such a good idea. That is all supposing that she even has an interest in what I've been doing. It wpould be more painful if I found she hadn't checked on my activity.Noone cares what 58 year old men do but the IRS.