The Unfriendly Skies

Remember when as a child you were told the story of Chicken Little? It seems Chicken Little was always afraid the sky was falling. Talk about phobias!! What would that be called in our know- all world? Well sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction as a Stewardess for some commuter airlines was taken off a plane at Lexington's Blue Grass Field for reeking of alcohol and then telling the Pilot "You're Dead" , as he had her escorted off the plane. Her blood alcohol was later shown at something like .035, which isn't legally drunk in Kentucky. I think she's still in jail under some Homeland Security threat. Maybe she was just having a bad day, but I certainly wouldn't want my 45 minute trip to Atlanta to be overseen by a looped lady giving out pretzels and soft drinks. It gives new meaning to flying the friendly skies. Or not long ago the stewardess was fired for having sex with that strange Finnes guy in the toilet. They had to be young and bendable to even attempt that. Now that is friendly. I didn't know that was an option in first class , but it got my attention. No wonder those fat cats pay so much money for the bigger seats. I was boarding at LaGuardia one time and the first seat was occupied by the Reverand Al Sharpton. Man ,that little tubby guy is so short that his highly polished black Guccis were 6 inches from the floor. He looked like a little ,dressed up fat lad whose mother was sending him visiting by first class. His gigantic,waxed -up pompadour nearly touched the ceiling however. He got off at Detroit , I'm sure to stir up racial discontent and spew venomous diatribes against all social injustices. I think his discontent stems from being so short, something of a Napoleonic Complex, but I digress at Al's expense. Lately we have been hearing of Nasa Pilots flying and reporting for duty drunk. And what about the fruitcake lady astronaut who wore the diaper in Florida to kidnap the other astronaut?? She certainly did personify taking that giant leap for mankind!! What is it with these quacks? They've devoted their lives to training and discipline and end up like amateurs on the world's worst tv show. What's next ;will our Astronauts be on with Flavor Flav on MTV? Won't that be comical as Would-be John Glenns will be wearing those stupid clocks around their necks and having diamond teeth??
I would like our astronauts and pilots to keep their public appearances straight. Now I know those astronauts have always been rambunctious because I saw The Right Stuff and read The Wild Blue, but these boys and girls need to keep their hormones and chemical dependencies under better control. Then there was the private contractor who deliberately sabatoged a computer going to the space station. It seems that in reality the airline travel industry and NASA are closer to the Airplane movie than they are to anything else. At a time that the United States needs confidence in the safety of our skies our professionals are doing everything they can to incite fear in the traveling public. Look, guys and girls , if you have a propensity and aptitude to drink and play grab ass on the job , then why don't you consider running for US Senate and Representative jobs because that would be a match made in heaven? I want my flight crews to be straight as an arrow. I'm still open to the first class sex, but I'll need a bigger bathroom.