The Day the Music Died

Lately our neighboring city of Danville , Kentucky has been having problems of sorts with the insidious evil of singers in the local restaurants daring to sing Karoke. Now anyone born and bred in Boyle County knows that singing Karoke in a restaurant will make you go blind or worse. How a town liberal enough to have Centre College and a wonderful arts program could get so far off track is beyond me. It appears that the overzealous watcher -woman of alcohol in the restaurants had noticed a disturbing pattern developing whereas people would have a couple of beers with a meal ,and heaven forbid, want to get up and sing or even dance. The scary part of the story is that the city council almost bought into the show until statewide press coverage started ridiculing the whole city(rightly so, I might add.)This should come as no surprise to anyone who has gone to the Norton Center for plays or concerts and watched indignant blue hairs rise from their seats in protest at perceived improprieties. A viewing of "Rent" really gets their old bloomers in a wad. Swan Lake is their speed. Now I must admit that a couple of outings to the local Renos can be a real adventure on a Saturday night, but even trailor people have to have entertainment. It seems that walking on peanut shells brings out the worst in people. I have to say that on a given weekend night all the ugly women from Casey and Marion County meet at Renos for love connections and beer. Feed Bubba enough beer and these girls look better all the time . The men are Larry the Cable Guy without his intelligence; you get the picture.The most ironic thing is that Danville has the largest Brass Band festival in the U.S., which coincidentally is this weekend. Why the blue bloods hate Karoke and dancing ,and love brass bands is beyond me. Some of the old hatchetfaces last danced the minuet, so maybe the brass band is more their style. In defense of the dance haters, the dancing isn't exactly Al Pachino doing theTango in The Scent of a Woman, rather its more like chubby women doing the John Travolta/Uma Thurman twist in Pulp Fiction.I personally can't get into Tuba toters coming down mainstreet .That type of music , like Bluegrass just doesn't appeal to my ears. Now if those boys could get down to"Vehicle" by the Ides of March, then I might just listen awhile. Maybe those fat guys from New Orleans could play "Vehicle." I think they're the Olympic Band or something .Speaking of dumb closer to home, one of my faves on the Stanford City Council has been gifted with a new vision. He wants to go to Shelbyville and exhume the body of Stanford's founder, Benjamin Logan, and bring it to Stanford and rebury him in the Courthouse lawn. I think he suffers from a chemical imbalance in his body. I personally want to bring Anna Nicole Smith's body from the Bahamas and place in in our new First Southern Veterans Park.Think of the tourists. Or we could go to Paris(France) and steal Jim Morrison's bones. We could sing "Light My Fire" and maybe even draw some of the fat girls from Danville. I keep forgetting we don't have legal alcohol in Stanford. We're real wet ,but the government just doesn't collect taxes from the bootleggers.Every year the bloods and yuppies in Danville have a big concert I think on Saturday night,and rent tables. They decorate them in themes for prizes. This year I suggest someone dresses like the trailor people and act like Karoke.Scatter peanut shells around your table and I guarantee instant winner. This week has the stars , like the Age Of Aquarius, spaced in perfect alignment. Bob Barker did his last quiz show and poor little Paris went to jail.Lindsay is maybe in rehab, and trashy Brittany is growing her hair back. Can you imagine what those dumbasses Arabs think when they tune in to American TV and news??No wonder they're trying to hurt us!!Maybe we ought to tune in to Danville's Renos on Saturday night. Fat dancing, drunken women from Yosemite couldn't hurt anything. Just let them continue to sing and dance.