State of my Union

It suddenly dawned on me driving from Virginia this week that like the President and Governor of Kentucky, I , too have a state of my union. Unlike the astute gentleman, however, I don't have a chamber of Dignified Senators and Representatives cheering me on.First of all I must recant an earlier oath I took upon being sworn in as a City Councilman. It's that silly assed part about never fighting in a duel or being a second to anyone else in the duel. In my earlier days of education and gamemansship on the athletic field , we would often limp off bleeding and more bruised than if we had engaged in a sissy-assed duel like Burr and Hamilton. I always hold one hand behind my back, fingers crossed as I imply my non dueling status. You can't live on Helm Street without at least calling out some of the rogues. My title on the council is "The Obnoxious One". Self proclaimed at that. I took my mother to the Doctor for a check-up and she goes to Liberty for medical care. My first thought was "third world Country", but she thrives on the people there. My second thought was that the world was having "Ugly People Day " at the clinic. These people had all been ridden hard and put up wet. I think if you visited a clinic in Siberia or Czechslovakia you would have seen the same people. Everyone was coughing and slinging bodily fluids indiscriminately throughout the waiting area. I think there was a distinct possibility of contracting the bird flu in the area. To top off the visit this fruit cakey woman started talking to my mother about "her accident". Seems she was run over in a Wal-Mart with a fork lift and damaged her "cerebellum, her words , not mine . She progressed from her story to crying. Following us out to the car she told of having to take pills to go to sleep and then taking pills to wake up. We left her standing tearfully on the sidewalk. It was most therapeutic.,as she told me she used to think I was good looking. I couldn't help but ask about how I looked now. She didn't answer. Not a good sign when even the Bi-polars won't answer you. I had an equally gratifying time the other night at the Republican meeting. There is this young lad Lawyer who is like all others of his profession who will not act upon anything without a week of deliberation and consultation with others of his breed. What ever happened to free thought and making decisions. Lawyers have to share with insurance companies the blame for most of the bad things in our country. Most attorneys today cannot have sex with their wives or husbands without consultation with their law partners. If they do manage to eke out a little pleasure then they will bill their mate just out of habit. Lawyers are the major make-up of the economy, and have singlehandedly made malpractice suits the reason we can't have medical care at reasonable rates in this country. Talk about weeping over cerebellums, Lawyers don't have courage to make any kind of decisions except after long deliberations. Lawyers were the driving force of the American Revolution and it makes me wonder how they ever got enough concensus to band together and fight. Don't even talk to me about political correctness. In my present state of the union I have no PC. The past two days I got a bucket of grey hair cut off, three teeth filled, and my eyes tested. New glasses will be ordered.Last year I had butt work and the gout. Things will only get worse. I'm not so happy at the moment that I gave my state of the union address. Sometimes it's not so wise to dwell on such things. I want to go to Key West and sit on Duvall street or watch the sunset off Mallory Square. I have a woman who loves me and a Brother-in -law who is divorced . I am going to start celebrating the anniversary of his divorce since he always sends us cards and nice gifts for our anniversary. I'm going to get him a gift certificate with some Casey County hookers to celebrate this year's event .Can't hurt. I know he misses the Skinny Marlboro smoking girls from Williamson, the ones who lived on the side of the mountain in the manufactured home. Sorry, I just realized that I crossed over into Timmy's State of the Union. May all of our cerebellums be happy ones!