Water

I guess in thinking of the past some of my most vivid memories center around water. Now water obviously is very necessary for all living creatures to survive, and it covers over 75% of the earth's surface, as well as around 75% of the human body is composed of liquid.I know some acquaintances are more than 80% alcohol, at least on weekends, but those people anomalies, and at least are mainly beer -laced h20. From my earliest childhood we would virtually live at the little creek that partially formed the headwaters of the Green River. There we would see who was wily enough to capture the fish from the deeper green pools or out from under the slate rocks in the shallows. Those slate rock adventures were like Forrest Gump's observation, as you never knew what you'd drag out with your bare hands as you groped under the black, slippery rocks. Sometimes it was a black goggle-eye fish, just fat and ripe for the frying pan. Other times the luck of the draw wasn't on your side as you could pull out an irritable, pissed- to- the- core water snake that no sense of humor, as it snapped viciously at anything in reach , sometimes our skinny scarred up youthful legs. Later on in life I would have flashbacks as we would be diving amongst reef sharks in the Bahamas, their cat eyes sizing us up as they leisurely swam amongst the pale intruders. They were shopping for lunch and we were shopping for thrills. It seemed like the sharks were calling out to me,"Hey fatass!! I'm going to get you sooner or later!" Or I've swam up to scuttled ships and come nearly eye to eye with vivid ,green moray eels as they poke their toothy heads out from their favorite lair , hoping to get a handout. Their open mouths filled with backslanted white, needle teeth. I silently pray"Oh Lord , if that thing wants to come out , Let it take a liking for Tim. I don't want to become eel food in Aruba!!"The water in the Caribbean and the southern islands is impossibly clear as you glide under the surface , maybe amongst reefs like Gulden Cay in the Bahamas, or over an incredibly deep wall in the Caymans. Either way the human mind cannot comprehend the beauty and wilderness of the ocean. The silence is only broken by your bubbles as they drift toward the surface. There is a condition called nitrogen narcosis that suddenly can overtake a diver at maybe 85 feet or so that is like an immediate euphoria and drunk. Divers have been known to think they don't need their air supply and carelessly toss their regulators aside. People have drowned this way. I was somewhat used to narcosis as I previously exhibited the same euphoria and giddiness when in the presence of well-endowed young blonds with the smell of cocoa-butter. I think Tim takes some kind of mind altering drugs to combat the condition as I've never seen him giddy unless that wild plane ride from Atlanta one night when he sat next to a mermaid and the Stewardess kept giving them free drinks. I anxiously kept looking over my shoulder , thinking I might have to help him with the tall, cool brunette, but they obviously were feeling no pain, and didn't ask for assistance. Back to reality all water is not equal. Diving in Cumberland Lake is like diving in your Uncle's Septic tank. On occasion I would dive at the dock where my old boat was moored, but that was when someone asked if I could find something they dropped overboard, or help put a prop on a boat. The water was maybe 80 degrees at the top and dropped to the 60's on the muddy bottom at 30 feet. Imagine dropping on your knees in slimy mud maybe 2 feet deep in utter pitch blackness with only your air bubbles as companionship. You then feel around in the mud for what- ever object someone has dropped from above. It's not for the claustophobic, or the easily freightened. As you feel in the darkness and slimy mud your hands run across alien and sometimes scary objects. You know rumors abound that there are man eating catfish in Cumberland, but those don't scare me. What scares me is 30 years of monofiliment fishing line and sharp hooks waiting to ensnare me before I can reach the warm ,green waters above. I fear this more than sharks or barracuda. In all the tropic waters I have ever dived in , there is one common element, and that is schools of evil ,little yellow tailed snapper fish that will sneak up behind you and painfully nip any exposed body parts. There was a monster Jew Fish named Elvis that lived in a sunken barge off Key West that startled Tim and I on a dive. A member of the grouper family, I think Elvis was bigger than both of us. Elvis looked at us through plate sized,blood-shot eyes and seemed to open his mouth occasionally to belch. A huge mouth, and once again ,"Please Lord, Here's Tim..." We lived to tell the tale.Most females don't really like or trust water at any level over pool depth or the jacuzzi. Now there are some exceptions to the rules, and I've had the pleasure of meeting some mermaids, but like their land-dwelling sisters, all mermaids are not created equal. There was one little sea nymph in the Cayman Islands that I gave my lunch on the dive boat. She was a deck hand on the dive boat and was from South Africa. Had I been single , 20 years younger, and a little smoother I would have stayed with her. Tim ate his lunch himself. This rambling is my gnashing of teeth and wailing for warm water and mermaids. I see those Corona Commercials on tv and want to cry. Every time I walk by my scuba equipment, one of the filled tanks looks up and say" Hey Fatass, We haven't been under in a long time!!". I have to agree, but any mermaid would have to be pretty chunky and slow for my old knees to kick the fins along.As it is in my own life , I'm surrounded by far more dangerous sharks than I've ever met under the deep blue. These sharks wear Gucci loafers and make swishing sounds as they swing their big berthas on the green fairways. The little Izod jackets go "Swish, Swish" as they move their arms, seeking that perfect shot, maybe toward Pebble Beach.Lord keep those capped tooth wonders at a distance . All I want is a tall ship and a star to steer her by( well maybe a mermaid sighting occasionally)