It depends on your perspective

As I was cruising through Wolf County today on the Mountain Parkway I thought of how many strange and wonderful ways we as humans have found to decorate and personalize our cars and trucks. I started thinking along these lines as I was waiting behind an old black Ford Explorer at a particularly long red light. In his back window this country gentleman had prominently displayed the number"3" with a halo above, and wings sprouting from the number. Now being the quick study that I have become, I determined the reference to be for the Dearly Departed Intimidator himself, Dale Earnhardt. It intrigues me that a whole class of people, all below the Mason-Dixon Line, have deified maybe one of the most dirty and dangerous racers in Nascar history. Dale didn't just win the name"Intimidator " on the schoolgrounds of North Carolina; he earned it every time he banged around a fast racetrack. I wonder if you asked Darrell Waldrip or Rusty Wallace about Saint Dale and what the response would be. I doubt if even Dale Junior has a sacred "3" on the back of any of his exotic fleet of automobiles.I only know that there seems to be a lot of believers in the Church of Dale in rural Kentucky. You can usually spot the blue ,oil burning smoke coming out the back of the car before you see the Sacred Three. Running a close second in popularity is the number "20" of Mr. Home Depot Tony Stewart , probably as talented a driver as any on the circuit whose skills are only surpassed by his whining and antagonistic driving. Usually Tony's fans will be young, chubby(did I say that?) females who usually drive S-10 pickups and wear size 14 jeans on size 18 bodies. They usually have feathers and roach clips hanging from their rearview mirrors. Even more annoying are those endless stupid magnetic ribbons on the trunks and sides of red- neck cars. There seems to be a huge industry in China making those things for the cause du jour. There are red ones , yellow ones, camo ones, and pink ones. I've seen cars with 5 or 6 carefully lined and placed in a row. I want to stop them and say, "Good God man, you need help!"They're always buying these stickers at the country gas stations as they are buying cigarettes and lottery tickets, speaking of which!! Did you know that most of Eastern Kentucky East of I-75 lives entirely on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets? I don't know the exact calorie or fat content of the average peel-off ticket but it can't be much. The average male east of Richmond consumes 3 packs of generic cigarettes a day and drinks a couple of six packs a night during the week nights; more on holidays and during the weekend. He lists lottery player as occupation on his income tax papers. If he has any change left over he will buy a Dale 3 number or a magnetic ribbon for his car , just to blend in with the others , you know?I neglected to say that you can identify this character by the fact that he weighs 85 pounds and has the body fat of a black snake. Like I said cigarettes, beer , and lottery tickets don't have much fat content. This guy looks like one of the earth dwellers that kidnapped Rip Van Winkle in the Washington Irving tale.Or more to today's standards he looks like a Keebler Elf that outgrew the tree. I work with some of these.I don't have the energy to even start on the city dwellers as they drive back and forth to work everyday, reading their papers, shaving, putting on make-up, talking on the cell, or just looking for a place to wreck.Show me a John Kerry bumper sticker and I try to keep my distance. Volvos and Beemers have "my child is an honor student at......", or I love my Golden Retriever.Or a soccer ball with a number on the back of the Grand Caravan, metallic gold if you please. You know I think I'm heading back East. Maybe the Intimidator isn't so bad after all. I'm still afraid of middle aged women with cat-eye glasses and bee hive hairdos regardless of where they might be. As for me, I'm content to just drive and observe, but I can't make myself like those Ford boys with the little boy on the back window peeing on the Chevy emblem. Maybe I need to buy some of those balls and a cowbell to hang from under my truck. Can't hurt.