Rocky Times

They say that truth is stranger than fiction, and this weekend certainly proved that statement. Our little town/hamlet will celebrate its 230th birthday this year, as Long-hunters camped at the little spring that still supplies our water in times of drought, in 1775. Being the second oldest town in Kentucky is not nearly as prestigious as might be surmised. Times have often been lean as Stanford has only about 3400 people, and our surrounding neighboring towns have thrived as we merely survived. With this setting in mind I would offer the fact that our little village often has the idyllic characteristics that endear it to some citizens, and yet draws scorn from others. One constant trait prevails in that we as a community are small enough to know each others business ,and we thrive on any news that might break the cycle of the mundane everyday carryings -on. This particular weekend was shattered with the news that a citizen had gotten "THE ROCK". Not just any rock but "THE ROCK". Stanford, like any old maiden aunt has more artifacts and historical momentos than many museums. The aforementioned Rock has been a part of Mainstreet Stanford for perhaps the last 150 years. Just what is this modern day Kaaba? Did it truly have Supernatural beginnings? Was it somehow Divinely placed on mainstreet? Well no......Actually the rock is a piece of hewed limestone that is about 6 feet long by about 2 feet wide by about 16 inches high, and it sat for years on the sidewalk on the corner of South Depot Street and Main. Its purpose? Well tradition has it that in slower(did I say slower?) days genteel ladies and gentlemen would light from their horse drawn buggies and use the monolith as a stepping stone to the sidewalk. Can you imagine the gleams in the lads' eyes as they hung around the rock for forbidden glimpses of Victorian ankles as the lasses descended from regal carriages? Much like Pamela Anderson as she walks down Rodeo Drive. This past Saturday the serenity of our Shangri-La was shattered forever when a rapscallion had agents under his hire to rudely drive backhoes up to the corner and plucked our symbol of a kinder time from its sacred home, and took the 400 pound monolith down to his own kingdom on East Main. That this knave was recently seated and sworn in to Stanford City Council only exasperated the crises. The transgressor weakly defended himself by saying he had bought the rock for the previous owner of the building behind the rock. Could the Wily Bill Clinton sell the Washington Monument?I daresay not!!. Even as emergency meetings were called by the citizenry and forces became mobilized, the knave repeatedly said he would keep the rock. Finally after more scheduled meetings he agreed to return the Rock to it's sacred site on the corner. That was Sunday afternoon, and as I drove down mainstreet on Sunday afternoon he was out on his drive in a cold snowstorm washing his new rock with a brush and bucket of water. Not the picture of a man about to give up a prized possession. Where I come from you don't wash something in the freezing winter and give it back. I think the rock is in for a war. As I watched this unfold I asked myself what would cause a normally sane citizen to become infatuated with a chunk of limestone? Good gracious, I can understand lust and gluttony and all sorts of avarice . But over a Rock?Could this be an unknown ,previously undocumented case of middle-aged craziness? Could this be Hormonal imbalance? Only time will tell but I do know that I'd rather be in a brawl in Marlow Tackett's bar than be confronted by the Lincoln County Historical Society and the Minions of Rightousness that they will summon to antagonize the knave! Good Lord, its not a pretty picture as clouds of Avon and shades of rouge descend upon this miscreant!You know the only positive image that I can claim from this deed is that Paul Simon's LOVES ME LIKE A ROCK suddenly makes sense to me.All of this leads to the inescapable conclusion that a new legend has been created.How it plays out cannot be foretold, but I'm betting the Rock goes home and the Avon warriors win.