Downton What???

As 2013 rapidly winds down I am once again reminded of the fundamental differences between men and women. I fully understand that after 40 years of marriage to the same woman that I should be acclimated to the eccentric ways that both sexes exhibit , especially as they grow older. Now Sandy has become more and more sophisticated in her likes and dislikes while I seem to have gravitated to the baser and lower forms of interests. Her fashion tastes mirror simpler and classy clothing, whereas I find jeans and a long sleeved sweater suit me well. Her colors are always matching and she chooses under lighted conditions, often selecting her attire the night before work. I, on the other hands grope in my meager unlit closet for pants and some shirt 10 minutes before leaving for work. Sandy has a keen eye for differentiating between navy blue and black, even with socks, which I think is a no foul offense. One day I was out on a job and noticed that I had two totally unmatched brown loafers on .At least they were on the right feet. The irony of the shoe faux pas was nobody noticed or cared but me. Sandy would opine that no one noticed because they both were so scuffed and unpolished , but that is an entirely different argument. I guess my rationale is that no one notices what older men wear or look like. It is somewhat refreshing that you get a fashion pass , especially when you are your own boss. Women , on the other hand, take this fashion and looks issue dead seriously . Manicures and nail polish ranks up there with national security. Women miss nothing when it comes to attire on themselves and anyone else within eyesight. I have always said that women dress for other women and strive to keep trim figures for other women. The reason is dangerously simple because a group of girls on a night out will slice and dice the looks of any female they happen to lay eyes upon . They miss nothing. If women were as tuned in to oil and water levels in their cars as they are to fashion half the mechanics in the country would be unemployed. I used to buy clothes for Sandy but now I am old enough to see how naïve that habit was. I mix navy and black socks, so how could I even think of fashion? Guys just don't have a clue. In an earlier life about 30 years ago my boss and I were in Louisville and he decided to buy his wife a dress since he reasoned this could bring about a night of foreplay and fulfillment. He chose a dress that was more suitable for a 1970s stripper to start with on the stage. It had a zipper from top to bottom and was of clingy gold material. The sales girl asked him what size she wore and he drug out his thick old billfold and produced a decrepit card that had sizes on it. He then proudly proclaimed that she wore a size 36 dress! The sales girl evidentally had seen this situation before and asked him if his wife was similar in size to her, and after scrutinizing her from all angles he proclaimed his wife was a little bigger in the chest. It went smoothly from there and he overpaid for a stripper dress for his wife, the devout organ player at the Methodist Church. He then stopped at a music store and bought "The Pina Colada" vinyl album, along with Rum and Pina Colada Mix at the next liquor store. All to no avail. Even the best laid plans can go awry. I have often wondered what became of that zipper dress. It would have opened eyes with the right personality wearing it. Sandy has become fond, like many others of watching weird tv series like this Downton Abbey. It seems to be a high class British story about royalty and servants , something I know nothing about. She and her friends discuss episodes and are eagerly awaiting the start of the new season.  I myself once started a brawl in Café Johnny Canoes restaurant in Nassau over one length hair, something I thought I knew about, but obviously didn't.I'm trying to get Sandy to try black nail polish, but with limited results so far.I need to change my attitude and clothing style. When I look in the mirror each morning Nick Nolte's mugshot is staring back at me.It even scares me sometime. Maybe I need to pay some consultant to give me some fashion pointers. Maybe I should start Tivoing Dr. Phil instead of Springer. Maybe I should buy some cologne, but I spray myself every time I walk through the Macy's Cosmetic area. That damn stuff is expensive. I liked the smell of Mont Blanc but that fofo was $79 a bottle. That is a total fillup of gasoline in the Yukon.Smelling good doesn't go with mismatched, scuffed shoes anyway.I prefer slathering on hemp coconut butter lotion from WalMart. Reminds me of college girls 45 years ago. I just know there are significant differences between Sandy and I regarding tastes and attitudes.Maybe I had better place an ad for  consultants. At this stage what have I got to lose?