Barbie Takes A Swim

Like everything else in life, all good things must come to an end, and our little visit to paradise was over all too quickly. One lasting memory of this last month was the constant traffic of boat traffic on the canal behind our house. The commercial pontoons carrying manatee swimmers would be bumper to bumper starting before 8 o'clock in the morning, and would end up at about five o'clock. Our canal was only a hundred yards from The Three Sisters Springs where the manatees live during the winter , and tourists paid $35-40 a trip to don wet suits and masks to snorkel with these creatures. Sometimes there would be 5 to 6 boatloads of tourists at a time, with maybe a total of 75-100 snorkelers in the water. Talk about chaos! Along with the boats would be wall to wall kayakers as they came down to view all the sights. These kayaks were of all colors and sizes but were mainly of the single person size. Many had dogs riding on the fronts with their masters. We always got a chuckle out of this petite middle-aged blonde who had a hot pink kayak , and often wore a matching pink wetsuit. We started calling her Barbie because she was Barbie grown to middle age. She was always cheerful and spoke to us as she glided by on her way to see the manatees, blond hair generally in a pony tail. I just knew that somewheres parked down the canal she had a pink Corvette just like in the old Mattel ads of thirty years ago. As luck would have it we had rented a pontoon to go diving out in Kings Spring ,and Barbie was cruising by on her morning tour and dumped herself in the water in the canal behind our house. Sandy loaned her a towel and she went on her way. I don't think her current mate is Ken because he's an old guy like me and looks straight. We were in the murky depths of Kings Spring when all the excitement happened. Kings Spring is about 50 feet deep and water rushes out at millions of gallons a day to enter eventually into the Gulf Of Mexico . We anchored the pontoon in 12 feet of water and I dove down to make sure it set in the muddy bottom as there was a large boat load of wetskin clad tourists 20 feet from us. The boat rental people call it a cattle boat as there were about 25-30 swimmers aboard. The first thing I noticed as I descended down the anchor line was I nearly collided with a half grown manatee as he was cruising along. He came up to me and let me rub his blubbery belly and went on about his business. I joined Tim and we descended to the murky depths of the Spring . I have been in it at times when it was crystal clear, but not today. There was about five feet of visibility and I could barely see Tim's light. There are always schools of saltwater fish in the springs as they come up the channel to the 70 degree water.The schools of silvery mullet caught what rays of light came through the murk, and almost looked electrified. There were several large black and white striped fish feeding on the bottom, and we nearly ran headfirst into a 12 foot manatee that probably weighed about 2500 pounds. He was in no hurry and swam with his belly up to the sun . I may be his size not far in the future.We loaded up and cruised down the canal to the Three Sisters Springs where we did some snorkling with the hordes of sightseers. Later on we borrowed Kayaks from our next door neighbor, and she asked if we had used kayaks before , and we said no. She laughed and said, "Get ready to get wet." Like Barbie, my ass was under water in one minute after I got on. I lost my glasses, but after all , I am a diver, and I found them in the mud. So no harm done. Tim and Eddie didn't fall off. Maybe I was the only one cursed, but then it's not every day one has the opportunity to swim with the real Barbie. Betsy, the patient girl that cuts my hair every three or four months collects Barbie Dolls, and I guess she has done this since her childhood. When I found this out about 10 years ago from a casual conversation, I had to add to her collection, and I went to the flea market and found these two old, naked Barbies with matted hair and ground-in dirty skin. Betsy had earlier gotten a tattoo above her buttocks, so I took an ink pen and made a similar tattoo on the trashy Barbies' asses. They were exquisite and Betsy was totally speechless.I'm still confused as to how I knew about her tattoo. I feel privileged to have seen middle-aged Barbie and her pink kayak.Barbie's last name is Roberts. That is a true fact . Look it up, and I wish I didn't know that.I've been listening to the Spinner's Greatest Hits, and Rubberband Man seems appropriate to diving in murky waters. I bet Barbie sneaks and listens to Amy Winehouse when old Ken isn't around. It's back to the Mountains of Eastern Kentucky tomorrow, and Noran Jone's new disc , thanks to Timmy.