And The Award Goes To..........

This first week of December 2008 has been very cold ,and I'm already tired of winter. And winter does not even start until December 22. I don't think I used to mind the cold, but as I've aged I seem to long more and more for palm trees and blue waters. It doesn't hurt if the sands are covered with scantily clad women smelling of coco butter and baby powder, yet I digress from my subject. Everyone needs a change of scenery periodically, and the warmer the better for me. I would like to be eating dinner right now at an outdoor terraced restaurant in the Cayman Islands where we spent a too short-lived vacation. Someone would show movies on the side of a large building sized tank when the sun went down . It doesn't matter that there was no sound . The next morning we would be squeezed amongst a covey of tourists on a rocking dive boat headed to crystal clear wall dives . Everyone would gear up and take a giant stride off the rear platform and hit the blue water, regulators clinched in our mouths, the only thing between drowning in the clearest water on earth and our fragile lives. You can always taste the salt from the ocean as you are cruising around under the surface,only occasionally seeing a toothy barracuda or an elusive shark or two to remind me that this isn't Danville Avenue. We went to Stingray City and had our bodies encased with monsterous stingrays trying to steal slimy squid from our clinched fists. They are nature's vacuum cleaners as they suck prey from under the sand for lunch. Sunburned , overweight divers are no contest to these undersea raptors.They take our squid and tire of the game . No squid, no play, and they flap off into the distant shimmering vastness of the ocean. At 50 feet below Timmy and I only have 35-40 minutes of bottom time before we suck the air out of our aluminum 80s and head back up the dive line to the welcome boat above, occasionally getting nipped by nasty yellow finned snappers.Back on board the sun is beaming down and we're reminded that at home people are wearing coats and cursing the cold like I'm doing now.Some place right now there are young inebriated babes smelling like cocoa butter and alcohol, an irresistible combination for me. Last week was my final council meeting and my fellow councilors, sensitive souls that they are, presented me with a going away trophy of "Smart Ass of The Year" tastefully engraved with a brass horse's ass above. It is nice to have such sensitive and caring colleagues. I was a winner that night and they were all better gentlemen for my departure. I've been listening to Sean Kingston on the MP3 player and it has some reggae roots that almost takes me back to Cafe Johnny Canoes in Nassau. The steel drum bands transport you to a warmer and kinder place, almost like Eden, but I'm always reminded that, like Adam And Eve we always have to climb on board the blue and silver plane and head back North to cold, cold, and more cold. It has been too long since I've had some 3rd world dignitary stamp my passport and welcome me to their country in a bored, tired voice. Maybe living in Paradise isn't all its put on to be.Next weekend we drop into Manhatten, hopefully better luck than last time. I can't wait to hit the subway with its resident rank,locker room smell with the Tower of Babylon teeming masses.We're going to see Spamalot , and I think Mr. Excitement Clay Aiken plays the part of Sir Lancelot. I guess I'm just not a Claymate. I may see if Delta has benefits for people who have been decreed "Smart Ass of the Year". Maybe an upgrade to First Class.I just can't wait to harrass our cab driver from LaGuardia to the hotel.Maybe he'll even speak enough English to get us to our destination.