In A New York Minute

In early April Sandy Kay and I went to NYC to celebrate her birthday. My brother and his wife went with us as they had never toured the city. Flying into LaGuardia from Louisville was uneventful as the youthful US Air crew had us touched down in an hour and a half. I'm always amazed at the pilots and co-pilots these days for their youthful appearances. The pilot on this flight looked maybe 25. I wondered if maybe he honed up his skills between flights on the latest video games, or maybe if he still lived at home with mom and dad? Either way he touched down like a feather and thanked us for flying US Air. I've grown to like the little commuter jets except for having to debark out on the runway and walking up steps to the terminal. Luggage pickup was a snap ,as I saw our old trusty Wal-Mart carry- on come limping around the carousel. Have you ever noticed everyone has the same size bag with red ribbons tied on for identification? I think there is some logic in packing along a cheap looking bag,as the gorillas go after the more expensive Louis Vuitton luggage, real or fake. Our nicer luggage has been destroyed over several flights and old Wal-Mart, like the energizer bunny just keeps on going. The Cab ride to Mid-town was remarkably smooth and efficient, unlike the typical near death trips that we have experienced in the past. I came to the conclusion that if I'm slated to depart this life in a car wreck, it will be 750 miles from Stanford in some part of Manhattan in a bright yellow cab with an alien driver . I hope he doesn't get his $40 fare. We bought a 7 day pass for the sub-way and went hell bent for leather doing the tourist thing. Statue of Liberty was impressive on a partly cloudy day in the upper sixty degrees. As usual there were crowds of school children on tours. One particular group of high school girls all dressed uniformly with tight hip hugger jeans and thong bands peeking out of the tops of their slacks. Generally about a couple of inches of butt was exposed , which obviously was the intent. I felt about 85 years old....Our next trip was up the Empire State Building to the observation deck .For $18 you can see the world. I think that Peter Minuet and the Dutch got their $24 worth . Looking towards Central Park to the north, I am reminded of all the trips through there as we've visited Strawberry Fields and John Lennon's monument by Yoko . The next day we go downtown and walk across the Brooklyn Bridge, an experience that everyone should do. The pedestrian walkway is a story above the automobiles and there is a lane for bicyclists.Sometimes unwary tourists wander into the biker's lane and must flee for their lives as bikers come speeding along on their expensive carbon fiber bikes. They have a shrill whistle to warn dumbasses from Kentucky out of their way. Its about a 45 minute walk across, but takes longer just for frequent stops looking back at Manhattan , the other bridges, or the statue of Liberty.
Built in the 1880's by Roebling, the bridge, like the Golden Gate is a national treasure. I couldn't help but reflect on the thousands who fled across the bridge as the 9.11 events changed our lives, even over 700 miles away. That day we were all New Yorkers.Roebling also designed the bridge going across the Ohio River at Covington , also in the 1880s. He was not alive but his son completed the bridge. Perhaps the definitive moment for me this trip was near Columbus Circle as this chubby black man lounged on a park bench with a cardboard placard. His sign read,"Need Money to get drunk so that 2 women can take me home and molest me. Donations accepted." Only in New York!I guess I envied him. The rest of the afternoon was spent in the park as yuppies ran and exercised on the trails during lunch. Everywhere as usual were dogs,dogs, and more dogs, all well behaved like their masters, only wanting to share a bit of the outdoors with 7 million other people.As we departed the last vision I had of Times Square was the Naked Cowboy in his usual spot between the busy traffic, his white BVDs glowing like a beacon. He has to have a woman to keep his drawers that white!! Any normal male would have already washed his drawers in with socks or jeans . I know that from experience. Leaving Mid-town behind, our Egyptian Cabdriver proved as reckless and dangerous as any I've ever seen. We were approaching 75 before we crossed the bridge. My sister-in -law later confided she became sick and was tempted to get in the rear floor board. I wouldn't recommend that as you never never know what has been left there. Myself, I kind of felt like Captain Kirk as he said," Take us out of here Mr. Sulu". Viva New York!

The Day the Music Died

Lately our neighboring city of Danville , Kentucky has been having problems of sorts with the insidious evil of singers in the local restaurants daring to sing Karoke. Now anyone born and bred in Boyle County knows that singing Karoke in a restaurant will make you go blind or worse. How a town liberal enough to have Centre College and a wonderful arts program could get so far off track is beyond me. It appears that the overzealous watcher -woman of alcohol in the restaurants had noticed a disturbing pattern developing whereas people would have a couple of beers with a meal ,and heaven forbid, want to get up and sing or even dance. The scary part of the story is that the city council almost bought into the show until statewide press coverage started ridiculing the whole city(rightly so, I might add.)This should come as no surprise to anyone who has gone to the Norton Center for plays or concerts and watched indignant blue hairs rise from their seats in protest at perceived improprieties. A viewing of "Rent" really gets their old bloomers in a wad. Swan Lake is their speed. Now I must admit that a couple of outings to the local Renos can be a real adventure on a Saturday night, but even trailor people have to have entertainment. It seems that walking on peanut shells brings out the worst in people. I have to say that on a given weekend night all the ugly women from Casey and Marion County meet at Renos for love connections and beer. Feed Bubba enough beer and these girls look better all the time . The men are Larry the Cable Guy without his intelligence; you get the picture.The most ironic thing is that Danville has the largest Brass Band festival in the U.S., which coincidentally is this weekend. Why the blue bloods hate Karoke and dancing ,and love brass bands is beyond me. Some of the old hatchetfaces last danced the minuet, so maybe the brass band is more their style. In defense of the dance haters, the dancing isn't exactly Al Pachino doing theTango in The Scent of a Woman, rather its more like chubby women doing the John Travolta/Uma Thurman twist in Pulp Fiction.I personally can't get into Tuba toters coming down mainstreet .That type of music , like Bluegrass just doesn't appeal to my ears. Now if those boys could get down to"Vehicle" by the Ides of March, then I might just listen awhile. Maybe those fat guys from New Orleans could play "Vehicle." I think they're the Olympic Band or something .Speaking of dumb closer to home, one of my faves on the Stanford City Council has been gifted with a new vision. He wants to go to Shelbyville and exhume the body of Stanford's founder, Benjamin Logan, and bring it to Stanford and rebury him in the Courthouse lawn. I think he suffers from a chemical imbalance in his body. I personally want to bring Anna Nicole Smith's body from the Bahamas and place in in our new First Southern Veterans Park.Think of the tourists. Or we could go to Paris(France) and steal Jim Morrison's bones. We could sing "Light My Fire" and maybe even draw some of the fat girls from Danville. I keep forgetting we don't have legal alcohol in Stanford. We're real wet ,but the government just doesn't collect taxes from the bootleggers.Every year the bloods and yuppies in Danville have a big concert I think on Saturday night,and rent tables. They decorate them in themes for prizes. This year I suggest someone dresses like the trailor people and act like Karoke.Scatter peanut shells around your table and I guarantee instant winner. This week has the stars , like the Age Of Aquarius, spaced in perfect alignment. Bob Barker did his last quiz show and poor little Paris went to jail.Lindsay is maybe in rehab, and trashy Brittany is growing her hair back. Can you imagine what those dumbasses Arabs think when they tune in to American TV and news??No wonder they're trying to hurt us!!Maybe we ought to tune in to Danville's Renos on Saturday night. Fat dancing, drunken women from Yosemite couldn't hurt anything. Just let them continue to sing and dance.