The Green Zone

I was conversing with my friend Hazmit(www.hazmit.blogspot.com/) about his new home that was recently purchased , and I was congratulating him on the achievement of moving his young wife and son to a nice neighborhood . Like myself, Hazmit had not exactly purchased his first home in the best of neighborhoods. Unlike yours truly, his first home was very nice and comfortable, but the neighborhood was full of discontented people and malcontents. That is why I was very happy for the family when he bought the new home in one of our nicer subdivisions. During our discussion about his plans for the home it suddenly became obvious to me that like Iraq, we too have "safe zones" and combat areas. Hazmit had taken his family to the "Green Zone" if you will, and I can understand why. Having lived in the equivalent of Faluzia(sp?) for the past three decades, I have become accustomed to scowling and threatening the neighbors, and truthfully had forgotten that everyone doesn't live like that.Locking every thing up and making nightly rounds has become a way of life. I noticed the other day that someone had stuck a crude sign near an intersection advertising "Pups for sale. Half Rott and half Pitt bull". They were only asking $50 each. Only in my neighborhood, You gotta love it!! None of these little old sissy-assed dogs for the hood. Every day brings a new adventure as urban renewal takes place. Some person with vision has set fire to three derelict buildings since last fall. I have entertained fleeting thoughts of packing up and moving Sandy to the Green Zone, but I always come to reality that safety and security is not for everyone. I have to have this edge and feelings of apprehension before I can feel fulfilled. Hazmit's new neighborhood is complete with a golf course and I just can't relate to golfers. Rumor has it that the houses adjoining the course often has golfers walking through the back lawns and even hitting balls from your property! Lord save me from those pastel clad wimps swinging clubs, and save them from me if I owned one of those houses. I've lived in the hood so long that I would construct traps and deadfalls to keep these white ball chasers out of my lawn. I think that a razor sharp wire strung about neck level would keep the golf carts at bay after the first few visits to the emergency room. The real oddity is that they say those lots next to the golf course cost more money!! Obviously I think that my current zone is a lot more suitable for me, at least I wouldn't have to go out and buy me a new wardrobe of pastel yuppie clothes. Now Hazmit will do fine with the clothing because his pretty little wife always looks like the newest fashion ,and often dresses he and the little lad in the newest styles. I think he even owns some of those little old socks that don't stick up out of your shoes, and I think he keeps his tennis shoes gleaming white and spotless, something that is in the covenant of the subdivision. You know you have to have a certain amount of square footage and adhere to the building requirements, as well as wear Tommy on Monday, Ralph Lauren on Tuesday, Michael Kors on Wednesday; you get the picture. I think Hazmit is going to miss the excitement of the hood, and that sooner or later he will go to a cookout wearing a melon colored Polo shirt when everyone knew it was supposed to be ocean blue. I guess I'm staying in the hood so he can come for a while and smell the burning rubber and hear the neighbors curse and throw bottles at each other. I'm afraid he will have slum environment withdrawal if he does this thing too quick. He always has Jerry Garcia's big ass to protect and he will have to continue coming down here to Faluzia out of the green zone for continuing education and to keep his edge. At some point I know my boy will eventually quit coming to the hood, and my worse fear is that I'll find him riding around in a Golf cart with seersucker madras shorts and a pastel polo shirt with the collar turned up on his little tanned neck.Until that day arrives I will continue to welcome him back to the hood and give him moral support. Lock and load Hazmit, And good luck in the Green Zone. Everybody has to grow up someday.